It's finally thawing! Hallelujah!

( VL 12/22 )

I've been seeing red. And I thought it was cabin fever from the masses and masses of snow. But I've come to the conclusion that it's all because I put my Damian Lewis wallpaper back up. ;D That's probably why I change it so rarely in the first place because it leaves a psychological imprint when you stare at it all day. I didn't even think about Damian Lewis after "Life" went off the air, but the Ginger Ninja all day long? It's like sweet insanity. Which basically sums up what I think about him perfectly. I really, really want to have a Christmas tradition where I watch Band of Brothers every year. But that slot is sadly filled by Doctor Who.

I finally fell asleep and woke up feeling very sore, but relaxed. I prefer to be sleepy than restless. I don't care if I fall behind with work because I know that I can catch up when I'm recharged. Trying to wring it while you're completely wired is the perfect road to a heart attack. I think the snow drove me mad after it had fallen, opposed to before. Now my body aches in a familiar "it will rain soon" way. I used to love snow, but I'm over it. It is in your way far too much!

I dreamed I was the runner-up to a prize to have a fancy dinner with Jo, Thore and crew, and coincidentally landed in that exact restaurant on a trip. I kinda said hello, but didn't stay long. This respectful way is how I dream about them, not the psycho way of Rebecca falling to pieces when Christian only smiles at her and touches her and not wants to pledge eternal love from one moment to the next. She needs to work on her personality to wow him, not a piece of cloth.

( VL 12/21 )

I think today's sudden "happy Ollian times" put me in a giggly mood because I almost broke down in tears of laughter when my Christmas cookies resulted in epic fail. I'm allergic to wheat and have to use different flour, but this new-on-the-market "cookie flour" is total crap. Heh. They still taste tons better than the ones I bought!

( VL 12/18 )

I woke up at 4:30am again! Grrr. Then I hit my elbow while getting dressed and could barely work at the computer. At least I managed to take an afternoon nap to be "fresh" for VL.

( VL 12/17 with spoilers )

GTST is wonderful! Sair makes a pact with the devil and the storylines of the young people are incredibly intervowen! You cannot even count the players on one hand anymore! Lucas, Dex, Nina, Noud, Sjors, Ronja! I loved the quick cuts back and forth!

I actually don't know what to make of it all, but it's crystal clear that Lucas is in love with Noud right now. I think Ferry's acting is nothing short of stellar! The way he fidgets and is nervous around him, irritated around nasty Dex, kind of groaning about Nina, a bit sheepish in front of his mom... He's become such a central character in these few months!

I hurt myself in my sleep again! Argh! When will it ever end? I pulled something in my back and can barely breathe. So much for shoveling the first snow and starting Christmas preparations.

( VL 12/16 )

I dreamed I cheated death. He came in form of an unassuming girl, think George from Dead Like Me. I went with her to some field, then used a hole in the fence to get back to my world. I celebrated by kissing random people, and who was the first in line? Bradley Cooper! Why? I think even while the dream went on, I forced myself to dream about Michael Vartan instead. Heh. I dreamed something about Spike, too. Not that I can remember it, but I woke up and thought "not again!" You wake the beast and it's back.

Dex/Lucas FTW! I think this whole Noud business is just there to make Dex jealous. I'm possibly living in a bubble, but Noud is super straight and Dex has been established as the closet case from day one. It's weird how he is the sweet son fixing the faucet and the sweet boyfriend supporting Nina in her quest to help Lucas, and when the two are alone in the room together, he makes nasty threats! It's an ongoing dynamic and nowhere near resolved!

DailyDope made me hungry.

I was supposed to accomplish so much today and didn't! I'm starting to feel slightly nervous about the home stretch for the holidays.

( VL 12/15 )

This is so strange! I woke up at 4:30am and have been unable to go back to sleep. And for the little while I was sleeping, I had a short Ollian nightmare. It's like they were screaming at me that they need to fight for their relationship. I think that's why I don't write. The characters would rule me.

I think I'm taking this so hard because I'm a Gemini. I don't form bonds easily, but the one or two times I do, I'm very loyal. You can't just push a button and pretend it never happened. Well, you can if you're Zen. ;) But I feel like I failed an important exam and now want to turn back time. Instead all you can do is look at the F. Or put your energies into something else and you will get over it in time. But it's traumatizing. It doesn't just blow over neatly.

I guess I scared myself with that weird outburst this past weekend. It's because I don't feel it as strongly, but what I put in writing makes shocking sense. I think my subconscious is way ahead of me! Souris knew when the X-Files turned bad long before any of us even got a sinking feeling, and I always wondered how she could have known, even though I was with the few that believed her. But now I know what she knew. LOL.

It's not even a sinking feeling. I think I got that when it dawned on me that Rebecca was Ollian's new storyline. I guess that was back in September. Then the rollercoaster started trying to spot a pattern and where it was all going. And at the end I was leaning in the nightmare direction, but never catastrophe. But I'm there now!

It's like when my guinea pig was doing relatively well, and I still knew it would die that afternoon. Or when I was feeling well and excited to go to the birthday party and suddenly my low blood pressure hit. Or when I thought that I hadn't really had a toothache in months, and two days later one tooth is gone! You don't scream why, you scream how?

I don't have the sinking feeling anymore, the ship has sunk. Which is a relief. But it still pisses me off.

Ideally, I would just say I bet on the wrong horse. To get the full VL experience, it would have been better to side with Gregor. Watch his epic love story and some great Christian moments on the side. Because, as the brother of the main lead and a senior, he naturally gets positive things, too. Beautiful emotional drama about the helicopter crash, a good amount of screentime at the wedding, being supportive when it comes to Eduard and Waldensteyck. And if you side with Gregor, you don't even mind that he isn't helping at No Limits or always talking down to Ollian. It's all a shiny world.

If you focus on Chribecca... well, I don't think anyone with a conscience can. Eduard could. Slaughtering Gregor and then marrying Luise. Chribecca will forever dance on Ollian's grave and there's no way out of that one. And they have zero chemistry, on top of it.

But if you're siding with Ollian... it pains me the most that they've only been behaving like buddies all fall, and should they break up, it will be portrayed as "it's a pity," rather than this "bombastic" fight to get their love back, which they shouldn't have lost in the first place.

Yes, it's okay to blow with the wind on a soap, but then I wonder what watching this is worth in the first place. Even if I would be a good housewife and iron to it, it would at best feel like a waste of time and at worst like a dangerous body of thought, instead of inspiration, self-help, entertainment and a role model.

Here fanatics have tried to convince the producers that the Nuke content was dangerous and giving people ideas and now I'm agreeing! Just on the opposite topic, that a straight relationship is vile and that the show makes it look like relationships (or only gay ones?) don't even matter so much and that it's okay to give up easily. But on a show about love?? Where star-crossed lovers simply don't love each other anymore from one day to the next? What kind of message is that? It's almost as depressing at Werther. And not in the Leo/Cecile way that got them the Rose d'Or. It's purely wrong (and mean-spirited).

I'm so looking forward to DailyDope, it's not even funny.

I'm having a migraine due to the below zero temperatures outside, but that apparently doesn't prevent me from predicting when Dex will hit the screen! Gawd, it's like Spike! I only ever predicted that because I was bored and thought, "Wouldn't this be a good moment to spice things up with some random Spike?" Happened every time.

With the latest GTST clips I was amused that they would cut from Irene scheduling a date with Ludo to Martijn in the office. But Martijn is boring. So I focused on the colorful furniture and that this was an office in the Dex household and Martijn is Dex' father. Bam, he opens to door to colorful Dex. I love this show!

OMG, Dex talked Martijn into doing something for Irene and the second he comes to get her, she's off to her date with Ludo. Soapy! I assume Irene/Martijn is OTP, but Martijn has gotten pretty damaged during his affair. But as long as both of them feel guilty (Martijn too pushy like Sebastian, Irene too soon out like Lydia), there are still emotions there. That is just some back and forth that will tear on your heart some.

Argh! Poor Dex thinks the date is with his father! Dude, he's such an adorable, clueless boy! I'm glad the homophobia storyline seems to be over. He and his sister are just cute as a button. :)

Ouch, I just now realized that this is like on Gossip Girl, where Serena and Dan's parents were in love. Nina's dad and Dex' mom. See how they're not meant to be? *g*

Eee, Ludo wants to "buy" Irene and Martijn is stalking them. It's totally character driven. Cool!

What I said about not having a substitute for VL? I lied. ;D

It is strange, but I'm somehow back where I started when it comes to VL. Enjoying it on a shallow, goofy level, like when Ollian kiss, what they wear, the one-on-one time on the vlog or when Thore pulls faces. And most importantly, 1) the cultural message it sends, and 2) Gregor. I'm pretty much done with Ollian after this past weekend, but I will watch until Gregor leaves. He's maybe the too perfect "prince" right now, but he's the only old character left that doesn't need any redeeming. He's sexy, he appeals to the married generation, and he's completely wacky and caring with Luise. Yes, I hated them only a few weeks ago and never really liked their "saga," but when it comes to grasping at straws and not throwing out the baby with the bathwater, I find that I can still watch for them.

What I'll do with my reviews? I don't know. I'm done with sharing all my pessimism. I might just write about what I like, which won't be much. I might include the occasional analysis of Feiler's writing style. It's weird because the spoilers for last week had the opposite effect on me when they came out -- it felt like everything was back where it belonged. And in the week they actually air, I finally hit rock bottom. It's probably because Christmas is a happy, loving celebration and VL drags me seriously down, which I have no interest in anymore. Otherwise I would probably have continued to cut them slack.

I need to have some clue of what's going on if I'll continue to help with spoilers and fandom stuff. Maybe I'll go back to watching all three German soaps at midnight, but not commenting on them much. But that always ended in being excited to watch GZSZ and VL always was the last one and a chore. ;D After I stopped doing that, I never watched GZSZ and AWZ again and VL live. It's such a fixed point in my biorhythm, even though this time is practically the most inconvenient of the whole day!

Now, I would've gone cold turkey after feeling seriously disenchanted with it since Saturday, but not this week. I need to see the trainwreck that is this week. After that, all bets are off. I couldn't even ship Chribecca if I wanted to, because who's promising me that that won't be butchered under the next head writer? And against worldwide opposition? Supporting something that is anti-gay? After VL already lost all their lesbians? No, thanks. But GreLu feel like the happy ending is right around the corner.

I remember when I stopped being a Duchovny fan. I pulled myself emotionally out of it from one day to the next. The nature of fandom is that you get dragged back into it here and there, but I already began to cut my involvement last May because of time constraints, but now I'm done feeling devoted. I was still relatively attached to it, but now I shy away from it like from a hot frying pan. It's just too twisted and bizarre and entering the black hole now. I don't even feel like I'm cutting my losses, I'm happy! Now I can focus on some sweet stuff and junk the rest. ;D I just wish I had a worthy substitute that was captivating storytelling start to finish. But that will never be in the cards for soaps. ;)

This day has been such a nightmare! I lost a frelling tooth!

I think I'm still in shock because I laughed for about half an hour after it happened. And I don't know how it happened! I swear I still had it when I was brushing my teeth this morning. I almost think it happened during my nap. But it didn't hurt and I didn't notice any obstacle flying around. I was drinking coffee and having chocolate and nothing!

I was a little short on time because of the VL spoilers, so I arranged my day to take a shower in the evening, then clean my aquarium, then watch the Klitschko box fight. I was even contemplating to take a bath from now on to get more rest for my feet. But when I was in the bathroom, I suddenly noticed this hole in my mouth! It's the last upper molar, as far as I can tell, and maybe a chunk of it is still there, like the back half. But it feels like it's gone completely. I think I'm grinding my teeth so much that it just fell to pieces one day. This would not even be so bad, would I not still have the wisdoom tooth behind it! It will probably be a process to fix this. Rip it all out, put it all back in, whatever. At least it's not noticeable. A friend of mine lost an incisor once. It just broke off like that one morning.

The Klitschko box fight was miserable! Not on his part, but he was pale, which is never a good sign. I later realized it was just his killer instinct showing. And obviously the cold temperature in the ring. But preparing for an opponent like that? What a giant coward! You do not challenge a champion like that! Klitschko can be lucky that he was in Bern. The Swiss usually like a good brawl and show, no matter how it ends. Just appreciate that a big event like this is in their small country and getting some rough action, like ice hockey. So the audience actually felt pretty spectacular.

Klitschko did what he could, but he literally did all the work! The opponent was super defensive and passive. I got so angry! And Vitali, too! Heh. I was fuming after reading the VL spoilers, and feeling very aggressive again watching this! I loved the last few rounds, where they almost wanted to beat each other up after the bell. Not sporty, but Johnson had it coming! And then Klitschko won 120:108! I've never seen this before! I wonder how much money Johnson made, since that was obviously the only reason he was there. Definitely not to win, just to survive. A Klitschko fight always raises expectations, but you know heavy-weight. It can be slow and all lead to a single great punch. Or one of them will be a slob. But a coward? Ridiculous.

While we're at sports, I'm doing the happy dance that Pechstein missed the Olympics qualification. So much for never doping. And the soccer world is all kinds of crazy, now that the games aren't rigged anymore. *eyeroll*

( The state of Ollian )

I'm so sore! I needed to take the rest of my plants in for hibernation and that's some heavy lifting! I do this every year, so it didn't even feel like such a chore. I was nervous, but it worked out fine. But it's no fun when you have that feet condition all of a sudden. It feels like you have a toothache in your heels 24/7. Weird sensation.

( VL 12/11 )

Gotta love the banners on top of the TGoDT board. They make my browser crash sometimes, but "pick your weapon" is just ironic! I wonder how VL fans got to be the target group of needing weapons right now. *eyeroll*

My reviews are so weird. I never comment on the main development because I've been spoiled months ago! Makes this blog pretty skewed and not natural post-episode reactions. o_O

I've been online all week, which of course meant no promo pics would come out. I've been slightly antsy about them again, which either means there won't even BE Ollian content, or it will just not appear in spoiler pics -- like the Rebecca-only photos for this week. I think those sealed the deal for me that Chribecca wasn't going to happen at all, in any way imaginable, and of course on screen it actually was the biggest Chribecca week in existence!

It really is confusing when the episode pics are used for the wrong episode or the moment is cut altogether (still waiting for David). You know it's really screwed up when Ivan ends up posting a spoiler! ;D The previews are edited differently, and when the main story gets more location shoots than the others, it will still appear in less promo pics because Anja Glitsch rarely seems to go on location! That we even got those Christian-on-a-horse photos.

I assume Thore wasn't in so many later scenes this week because he was already doing location shoots for the next week at the time these studio scenes were filmed? That's why he's so out-of-sync with Olli now, since they keep storylines and actors so neatly separated and grouped together. He isn't even supporting Gregor's storyline anymore and vice versa.

I assume Christian is only present a bit more again at the end of the week because they will post a new vlog.

( VL 12/10 )

I keep dreaming about Gregor and water! I get Gregor and shoes (back when he was Grehor), but a lake, a stream and the sea?! So I looked it up, and most terribly, it's code for wanting to be an artist! Again!

It actually make sense. The first dream was all about swimming in lake me, letting your ideas and emotions flow, just being relaxed. And I met tons of friends on the way back. It actually started with a day at the lake of Gregor/Luise, therefore my Gregor mention.

Last night I dreamed I was at the sea with tons of friends already there. But there were other symbols like taking photos, sightseeing, going on a high tower, driving fast cars, buying flowers, sailing in high waves. Really vibrant motifs. And then I dreamed Gregor was washing my hair. WTF? And this is code for new beginnings? I also dreamed he murdered Eduard and was trying to hide it from Luise. ;P

I just... I'm sorry, but I'm completely talent-free when it comes to art and fantasy and inspiration. That every test I do tells me that I'm this giant artist just annoys me. But the dreams were pleasant, maybe that's the lesson: not to get pissed off about art, but enjoy it. I do enjoy art in the form of TV. ;)

Ferry Doedens is playing lovesick so well! I think he has quite the range. He can play an annoying teen, a really relaxed friend, a talented advertiser and now the sensible lover. Just think he wouldn't only run into Dex on his way out all the time! But, to be honest, Dex is better with Nina because both are on the same (low) acting level.

I don't support Dex/Noud. I like them as friends. But they seem to speed through all the cliches. This time, falling in love with your best friend. Nina made it so much worse by giving Lucas hope! Poor Lucas! But this is his waking up to feelings phase and moving away from just sleeping around. :)

( VL 12/09 )

Oh great, I ruined my heels. I had this intense pain when I was renovating, but that was due to standing on the ladder all day. It disappeared.

But for a few days now my feet have been hurting despite not doing much work! Especially after I got up in the morning. It felt like inflammated (because I have experience with all kinds of different pain). And it's apparently a classic symptom of Plantar fasciitis. "Plantar fasciitis is a painful inflammatory process of the plantar fascia." Oh, Wikipedia!

My elbow is still all better, but I'm in the process of curing my hands and now the next project will be my feet? How am I going to clean my aquariums if I'm not allowed to stand for a longer time? For a few weeks now, I've been unable to sit for longer, too, because I get totally stiff and hurting. And then the stupid back pain. Haha, Chakotey vs. Neelix!